Diary of a Cowardly Lion

[Heidi Palomo]

Sept 2027

Papa did not come to the station to see me off. All he seems to be doing is working no matter how much I beg him not to. I think Sol is catching on. She's always been a smart one. I have no doubt when she comes to school with me next year that she'll be a Ravenclaw. I was glad that I said goodbye to the girls back at home instead of having them come to the station. Protesters flooded the platform. I was afraid they would try to attack the muggles coming to Hogwarts. I rode the train with Freddy. He got to be so tall during the summer! It was strange to see him again, but I haven't been able to figure out why. It was just a different feeling when I saw him this time.

[Heidi Palomo]

Oct 2027

I'm more worried about Papa. He hasn't written me at all. Sol and Blanca are still with the neighbors. He hasn't been home in a long time. Even worse, Silvia said something to me at the Halloween dance. Something about him being out of line. I just wish I could hear from him, just to know he's safe. I know bad things happen when you cross the Turatis.

[Heidi Palomo]

Nov 2027

Freddy asked me to go with him on the last trip to Hogsmeade! I was surprised he didn't ask Sarah to go with him. They've been friends for so long and I can see the way she looks at him. It worries me. I have nothing against Sarah, or at least I didn't. It took me a while, but I finally figured out the strange feelings I've been having while I'm around Freddy. I'm surprised he hasn't figured it out by now that I like him. He even held my hand in Hogsmeade and he didn't seem to realize how giddy it made me. Is it entirely foolish to be hopeful that something could happen?

[Heidi Palomo]

Dec 2027

I've finally found someone to lend me a dress for the Yule Ball. She didn't seem to want to but I think there was a little part of her that felt sorry for me. I hate pity, but I don't really have other options. I haven't been asked to go with anyone as a date. I didn't really expect to, but still I hoped just a little bit that Freddy might. He hasn't even asked Sarah. I'm wondering if they're fighting. I hope not. I know she means a lot to him.

[Heidi Palomo]

Beginning Jan 2028

I didn't think I could be broken any more than I already was. I finally admitted to Freddy that I'd hoped he would ask me to the ball. Apparently getting knocked out was better than answering because that's what happened to him. He was taken to the hospital wing by that giant nurse. At least he had people to watch over him since I couldn't. The Ministry arrested me. They claimed there was a source, I don't know who, that accused me of being the werewolf that killed Ash Thomas. I'd always feared this, but it's been so long that I thought they had moved past me. What was worse, the capture unit made their move at the ball. Headmaster Ophelic did nothing. Even the Minister was there, and it sounded like they were all working together against me. More people stood up for me than I expected, but it didn't change anything. Now my worst fear has been recognized. Everyone knows what I am now and most of them think I'm a murderer.

I don't want to describe my time at the Ministry. I'd like to forget. I almost wish I was still there though. It would be better than the fate I suffer now. The Turatis were the ones who got me out, in exchange for my service to them. I never would have agreed, but they threatened Papa and the girls. He tried to get out of service, bless him, but it's not that simple. If it weren't for that threat I would've rather been innocent and rotting in Azkaban prison than working for those evil people. I am staying with Professor Marshal and his wife until school starts. They have been so wonderful to me and I know I can never repay them. Their daughter is the most precious little girl. She is lucky. Mrs. Marshal reminds me of my mother. For this short time it's almost like I have a mother again.

[Heidi Palomo]

Feb 2028

When we received our roses today in History of Magic I received six roses from Freddy along with the invitation to the student leaders Valentine's party. I wanted to be happy about it, but the first year who delivered the message read it out loud in front of everyone. Sarah left the room and I could tell she was so upset. I had to write a note just to say I would go because I didn't want to make the situation worse.

Later

Freddy invited me to the Astronomy Tower with him. I didn't know after what happened in History of Magic if he was still going to ask. He asked me about what happened with the Ministry. I hated having to lie to him, but I couldn't do anything else. The Turatis have made it quite clear what will happen to my family if I ever tell anyone how I truly was released. No matter how much he means to me this is one thing I can never tell him the truth about. It's the only way to keep him safe.

[Heidi Palomo]

Feb 2028

After the Valentine's Dance

Hope is a fantasy. It's a stupid thing to have.

[Heidi Palomo]

Feb 2028

Every misgiving I had was right about Freddy was true. I went with him to the Valentine's party, I even found Mama's old dress so that I could look nice. All of it started out fine and I thought maybe for a little bit everything was going to go okay. Then Freddy saw Sarah dancing with another guy and...I don't even know what happened. He got upset, took some potions and then just hauled off and punched the poor boy all the while telling Sarah that he had always loved her. If he'd told me in private it still would've hurt, but doing that in front of everyone was just so much more painful. When I confronted him about it he claimed that he didn't know what love was and then babbled on something about Jaimie and I don't even know what to think. He clearly knows enough about love, he just doesn't think of me as anything more than a friend. I wish I would've known from the start. It all feels like a cut that has just been made slowly and I didn't realize how badly it hurt at first. I want him to still be my friend, but I just don't have any faith in anyone anymore. The Ministry broke my trust in the world, and now it's entirely destroyed. I don't even feel like I can be around anyone anymore, especially seeing them together now. I just want to get out of it all. It's all just a constant stream of pain.

A Few Days Later

There's a new professor at Hogwarts. Honestly she is the most terrifying person I've met since the Ministry. She found me when I was trying to avoid everyone else and I guess now she's training me how to fight and, I don't know, I guess be a strong independent woman? I mean she seems to care about what I've been through. Maybe to an extent that is slightly frightening but at least she seems to know the feeling herself. It's been nice having something to do and an actual place to get away.

[Heidi Palomo]

March 2028

Barry Grayson found me down in the kitchens tonight. I wasn't tired and had gone to bake. What else is there better to do late at night? We talked and I gave him some of the cinnamon bread I was making. I never really talked to him much before, but...he seems like maybe he could be a good friend. I just hope if he is I can learn to trust him and if not I hope I realize it soon enough to not get hurt again.